Well after having another day of work and feeling like the world hates me, I decided to invite one of my closest friends over for dinner and a drink. Tamika is a six feet Jamaican women that shows nothing but charisma. She happens to be one of those friends has your back no matter what and enpowers nothing but women power. I sometimes ask myself why she chooses to hang out with me (seriously with all my drama sometimes I can’t even stand myself) but I guess that she sees the good in me and the fact that she will always have a good laugh at my expense. Plus she happens to be my neighbor and lives accross the street for me so I guess is also convenient as there is no travel time required for her visits.
We are sitting having a drink when all of the sudden a lightning hits close to where we are and I completely freak out. Let’s back track, minutes before I skipped a shower and just cleaned up with a wash clothe due to me being afraid to die stuck by a lightning during a shower and dying with bad hair. Damn it what’s wrong with wanting to go like a superstar and hair like the girls from those Pantene commercials. Well back to the story so we are sitting there and I am freaking out when we start to have a deep discussion as to different scenarios of being struck by a lightning and there is where it all began.
“So what happens if you are on a plane and a lightning hits the plane”? I ask Tamika puzzled as she used to sell advertising for an airplane magazine and knows all about planes. “Well Marla you get struck and the plane will probably go down because of mechanical malfunctions caused by the electrical hit”. I then start to think of all the different ways of jumping out of the plane with a parachute and probably landing in a tree somewhere exotic where I will be saved by some hot packed exotic men (preferably the Prince of whatever country we are in) and will live happily ever after. Being fed grapes and getting massages 12 hours out of a day. I guess that I must have been thinking about this aloud because Tamika was looking at me with the “Are you an idiot?” facial expression and says: “Well Marla there are no parachutes on airplanes only flotation devices”. Ok so this is when I lost it, “What the fuck are you talking about? There is no way in hell that airplanes don’t have parachutes. What the hell are you supposed to do with a flotation device if the plane is hitting land? The damn flight attendants don’t explain what to do in case you are crashing into land instead of water and that is false advertisement. They make it seem so easy, just pull on the damn cords and slide thru the emergency side doors as well as using the bottom of your seat as a flotation device. But what in the world happens when you are going down? They make it seem so easy that even I believed it was that easy. Ohh no big deal the plane can go down, but no biggie there is a flotation device and in case of an emergency I can always go ask the flight attendant. What the hell?”. In my opinion flight attendants are nothing but overpaid servers but they can even get that right as they only give you half of cup of soda and pretzels and to hell if you ask for a refill.
Tamika was then looking at me like I was foaming thru my mouth and told me to chill and calm down. To what I replied, “No Tammi screw that, next time I am in a plane and they finish explaining the rules I will raise my hand and yell “What the hell are you supposed to do in the event we are hitting land instead of water? Are we just supposed to just sit tight and wait for death to come for us because your crappy airline company can’t come up with a parachute/flotation device/small banana boat. I am paying $700.00 for a ticket and you can’t come up with that for our security? What the hell do I get for that a cup of ice with soda and pretzels? You can’t even serve peanuts anymore”.
Tammi looked at me and just said: “Marla you are a hot mess!” Well indeed I am.
We are sitting having a drink when all of the sudden a lightning hits close to where we are and I completely freak out. Let’s back track, minutes before I skipped a shower and just cleaned up with a wash clothe due to me being afraid to die stuck by a lightning during a shower and dying with bad hair. Damn it what’s wrong with wanting to go like a superstar and hair like the girls from those Pantene commercials. Well back to the story so we are sitting there and I am freaking out when we start to have a deep discussion as to different scenarios of being struck by a lightning and there is where it all began.
“So what happens if you are on a plane and a lightning hits the plane”? I ask Tamika puzzled as she used to sell advertising for an airplane magazine and knows all about planes. “Well Marla you get struck and the plane will probably go down because of mechanical malfunctions caused by the electrical hit”. I then start to think of all the different ways of jumping out of the plane with a parachute and probably landing in a tree somewhere exotic where I will be saved by some hot packed exotic men (preferably the Prince of whatever country we are in) and will live happily ever after. Being fed grapes and getting massages 12 hours out of a day. I guess that I must have been thinking about this aloud because Tamika was looking at me with the “Are you an idiot?” facial expression and says: “Well Marla there are no parachutes on airplanes only flotation devices”. Ok so this is when I lost it, “What the fuck are you talking about? There is no way in hell that airplanes don’t have parachutes. What the hell are you supposed to do with a flotation device if the plane is hitting land? The damn flight attendants don’t explain what to do in case you are crashing into land instead of water and that is false advertisement. They make it seem so easy, just pull on the damn cords and slide thru the emergency side doors as well as using the bottom of your seat as a flotation device. But what in the world happens when you are going down? They make it seem so easy that even I believed it was that easy. Ohh no big deal the plane can go down, but no biggie there is a flotation device and in case of an emergency I can always go ask the flight attendant. What the hell?”. In my opinion flight attendants are nothing but overpaid servers but they can even get that right as they only give you half of cup of soda and pretzels and to hell if you ask for a refill.
Tamika was then looking at me like I was foaming thru my mouth and told me to chill and calm down. To what I replied, “No Tammi screw that, next time I am in a plane and they finish explaining the rules I will raise my hand and yell “What the hell are you supposed to do in the event we are hitting land instead of water? Are we just supposed to just sit tight and wait for death to come for us because your crappy airline company can’t come up with a parachute/flotation device/small banana boat. I am paying $700.00 for a ticket and you can’t come up with that for our security? What the hell do I get for that a cup of ice with soda and pretzels? You can’t even serve peanuts anymore”.
Tammi looked at me and just said: “Marla you are a hot mess!” Well indeed I am.
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